The "non-alcoholic" (for Weezer)

So I was chatting with Weezer yesterday (my nearest & dearest pal)...and we both have a question about folks who claim they like to drink alcohol but never actually have a drink - at least not in front of us.  Why is it that people don't want to have a glass of wine, a beer or any sort of cocktail but won't say why they don't want to drink?  When they are offered a drink, they always give the same response:  "oh, give me a few minutes and I'll join you."  OR "I'll have wine at dinner."  But then they never do...  Honestly, if you happen to be a recovering alcoholic and can't have a drink - then that is totally fine.  But don't LIE about it and say that you are a "big drinker" then never have a drink.  It only makes us more curious and then talk about it later (like I am doing now in this blog).  It also makes us feel bad because perhaps we're offering or pushing to someone who seriously has a problem.  It's totally ok to be a recovering drunk and not be able to drink.  It only makes everyone uncomfortable when you claim to like drinking but then never drink.  Be honest, tell us the truth about your drinking issues.  If you're a recovering alcoholic or a drunk or something - we want to know so we can respect your needs.

Don't hesitate: RECIPROCATE!

A big topic amongst me and my gal pals lately has been "reciprocation" for invitations.  It's been a thorn in my side since I became a suburban house wife.  I invite friends over all the time for dinner, BBQs, holiday parties - you name it!  I love to have folks over!  I realize that not everyone likes to entertain as much as we do...but I feel it's important to receive invites in return - especially from those that are constantly being entertained at my home.  I had a close friend and over 4 years of our friendship - my husband and I were invited to her house for dinner only ONCE!!  Meantime, she was invited to our home at least once per month over those 4 years.  You do the math.  After a while, it makes you feel as though the "non-reciprocators" really don't want to have you over for a specific reason.  Is it because we drink to much?  Do we stay too long?  Do my kids bother them?  What is it?  I've asked...believe it or not - ballsy, yes, I have asked, "why don't we get the invites?"  A common answer is, "well, I don't cook..."  I find that even more rude.  How hard is it to put out a block of cheese, a sleeve of crackers and open a bottle of wine for someone you consider to be a friend?  I'm not asking for a Martha-friggin-Stewart dinner party.  It's just the idea that we are being welcomed into your home.  My best friend has 4 children under the age of 12.  She has her hands full but is always the first to invite 2 or 3 couples over for dinner along with their kids...  I feel sad sometimes when I don't see her getting an invite in return.  I've asked her if it bothers her and she always says, "no, it's probably because we have too many kids."  That's crap and pisses me off!  So if you find yourself on the invitation list, but never sending out any invites...beware - you may not be receiving many more invites.  At least not from my camp!

Mother, the Entertainer

It's now June 29, 2011.  I stopped blogging for a while - not sure exactly why...but I need it again!  So hello - I'mmmmmm BAAAACK!  I need to get crap off my chest!  Today, I broke down, crying - all because of my son.  I feel so bad putting that in writing but I honestly wanted to spank him hard today.  I didn't.  But I really, REALLY wanted to.  Why is it that stay-at-home moms have to cook, clean, rear, educate and oh yeah - entertain ALL DAY LONG?  I am so sick of planning stuff every single day - day in and day out to keep my kid entertained.  Some days, I wish we could just sit out back and enjoy a day at home for a change.  My son is extremely spoiled - we've spent over $1500 on yard/water toys for him in the past month (I think that's spoiled and way too much).  He literally has a "water wonderland" out in our back yard.  Now why the heck won't he play with anything??!!  Why is it that he has the need to constantly be entertained by me or another?  I am 7 months pregnant right now with our second son and on some days I need to just sit out back on a lounge chair and let my 2 year old self-entertain.  But he refuses!  He cries, whines, complains, throws his toys.  What the hell is wrong?  Did I do this to myself??  Did I create this monster?  Why is he always so bored if I am not taking him out to a park or playdate or event??  Why doesn't he just want to be home and play with all his wonderful toys?  Does anyone else have this issue?  Why do I feel like my new title needs to be "Mother, the Entertainer"?

GIFTS, GIFTS, GIFTS!!

I hate feeling like I always have to buy gifts for everyone.  It's annoying to me that even if I don't attend a party or special event that I still feel obligated to buy a gift/send a gift.  This week alone I had to buy a birthday gift for my husband (of course), a gift for my nephew's birthday (also - of course), two other birthdays of very dear friends who I adore (so, yes of course, as well) and now...here's where I start to get nuts about gift giving:  I have to buy gifts for my cousin's daughters (two of them with closely dated birthdays) - I feel obligated here because honestly, my cousin always buys nice gifts for my son.  The difference is that I only have one child and my cousin has several, so it's hard to keep up.  In the next two weeks I have 3 more birthdays of friends, a baby's baptism and oh yeah...CHRISTMAS!!  WTF?  I feel like my poor husband is only working to buy gifts for people lately.  Why does every event or birthday require gifts?  The other night we went out with a large group of our friends for my husband's birthday. I told everyone in advance - "No Gifts Please!!"  But many of our friends still felt obligated to buy him something.  It makes me feel bad because after the costs of dinner, the gift was way too much.  Now my own birthday is only days away and want to know the truth??  I don't want to ask anyone to go out for my birthday because my husband's birthday dinner and gifts were way too expensive for most folks.  What's with all the gifting?  Can't we just be happy to be in each other's lives?  Why does everything require a gift to let people know you care.  I care because I showed up and made the effort - but I can't ever say that out loud because that would be rude. 

Boobie Tassles for the Sheltered

Just recently, I have discovered that mostly everyone I know is extremely sheltered.  Who knew that most people haven't had the life that I have had?!  I thought that everyone couldn't wait to move out of their parents house at age 17 and move to NYC to begin a life of pure thrill.  Who knew that most people never worked in nightclubs at 18, partied with gangsters & drug dealers & rockstars, traveled the world from Paris to Rome to Buenos Aires and lived life by the seat of their pants...  Trust me - I don't think that my life is a "model lifestyle" - that's for sure.  I sometimes can't believe that I am still here.  I should have been dead considering some of the stories I could tell you about.  But here I am now - mother, house wife, I cook, I clean, I take my kid to mommy & me classes...I am a suburban woman.  I just find it shocking that when I talk to my friends and neighbors - no one really has done much of anything.  When I share my stories - I think most people think I am lying (that's if they even bother to listen).  I think most folks think I am the "crazy lady" on the block who makes up stories and tall tales to get attention or something.  The truth is that it's all true.  I've lived a great, fullfilled life - no regrets.  I have so many amazing, insane experiences and I've lived to talk about it.  I think it's awesome.  Sometimes I miss it.  Sometimes I miss the thrill.  Funny enough, I think this is just who I am.  When I was a little girl, I couldn't wait to grow up and become a Las Vegas show girl - boobie tassles and all.  I don't know many 4 year old little girls who dream about wearing boobie tassles the way I did (and still do).

"A no-regrets night out"

There's something awful I tend to do every single time I go out with friends:  I drink and then say stupid crap that's funny at the moment (at least to me) but sometimes not so funny the next day!  It's not like I am intentionally trying to be an asshole - I just say what I think.  I think a lot.  Way more than the normal person thinks...at least I think.  Anyway, far too often, I wake up the next morning and say, "oh no...I hope this person doesn't feel bad..." or "ugh - I wonder if that person knew I was kidding?"  Then I can't stop thinking about whether or not someone may or may not be upset at something I might have said.  It's a vicious circle of insanity that I always find myself trapped in.  To be perfectly honest - I don't have to drink to behave this way either.  It's just who I am.  I am not trying to hurt people or annoy them.  I just say what's on my mind and most of the time - it's really funny (again, at least to me).  I like laughing about obvious things that are comical.  What's wrong with that?  Most of the time, I laugh and poke fun of myself.  I think I am a total nut and the shit I do is truly insane - but funny.  Anyway, I wish there as a button I could push to just "be myself" and have a great time without feeling regrets the next morning - about anything. 

Welcoming Wagon

Why can't more people just be nice and reach out to others?  What's wrong with going over a new neighbor's house and bringing a freshly baked bread or a homemade gift to say, "hello" and "welcome to the neighborhood!"  What's the big deal?  I wish more people would reach out and show simple acts of kindness.  The world would be a much nicer place...instead people peer through their curtains wondering whether or not the new family that is moving in across the street will mind their own business.  How weird have we become?  I remember when I was a little kid we used to have "block parties" - the whole darn street would shut down.  The local police would put up "detour" signs and an entire block would be shut down for a neighborhood BBQ.  It was the best.  My parents weren't best friends with all our neighbors, but it was the one time of the year that everyone would get together, say hello and hang out.  Each neighbor would drag their grills into the road and cook, drink cold beer from their coolers and listen to music.  The kids would ride bikes, roller skate and play games...it was the best.  Now, I can't even get returned Christmas cards from neighbors.  It's like everyone just fell off the train when it comes to having fun!